Joke --- Forehead

Forehead

A husband is at home watching a cricket match when his wife interrupts: "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily. "Fix the light? Now does it look like I have Electrician printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied - "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have fridge technician written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a darn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have carpenter written on my forehead? Don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts feeling guilty about the way he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.

As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey, how'd all this get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried, just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either going to bed with him or bake a cake."

He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo.... Do you see Monginis Bakery written on my forehead?"

Joke --- Don't use mobile inside Toilet

Don't use mobile inside Toilet



I was barely sitting down when i heard a vioce from the other stall saying :
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
But i don't know what got into me, so i answered, somewhat
embarrassed, "Doin just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of quesion is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"

At this point im just trying to get out as fast as i can when i hear i
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured i could
just be polite and end the conversation. i tell him, "No.......
I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then i hear guy say nervously....

Listen. i'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the
other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

Children From Yahoo Group

CHILDREN

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing.

There is only one pretty child in the world
and every mother has it. - Chinese Proverb.

Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...
she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

We child proofed our home 3 years ago
and they're still getting in!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

inspirational thoughts From Google Group

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1 WE CANNOT HOLD A TORCH TO ANOTHER MAN'S PATH WITHOUT BRIGHTENING OUR OWN

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2 EDUCATION IS NOT PREPARATION FOR LIFE. EDUCATION IS LIFE ITSELF

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

3 PAIN IS INEVITABLE. SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

4 IF U DON'T HEAR OPPORTUNITY KNOCKING, FIND ANOTHER DOOR.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

5 WHEN IT IS DARK ENOUGH , YOU CAN SEE THE STARS.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

6 NEVER LOOK DOWN ON ANYBODY UNLESS YOU ARE HELPING THEM UP.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

7 NOTHING IS SO STRONG AS GENTELNESS, AND NOTHING IS SO GENTLE AS TRUE STRENGTH.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

8 HATEFUL PEOPLE THINK GOD IS ON THEIR SIDE BUT LOVING PEOPLE ALWAYS TRY TO BE ON GOD'S SIDE.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

9 FROM WHAT WE GET WE CAN MAKE A LIVING. WHAT WE GIVE HOWEVER MAKES A LIFE.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10 A MAN HAS MADE ATLEAST A START ON DISCOVERING THE MEANING OF HUMAN LIFE WHEN HE PLANTS SHADE TREES UNDER WHICH HE KNOWS FULL WELL HE WILL NEVER SIT.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

source

How to screw up an interview From Google Group by Gary

How to screw up an interview

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the dont's, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

"... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

"She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."

"A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

"... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

"... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve"

"Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

"Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."

"When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."

"At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

"... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

"Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

"While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."

"During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview."

"A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."

"His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

"Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

"... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security."

"Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."