FW: Little Johnny

 

 

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From: penpals-and-friends@googlegroups.com [mailto:penpals-and-friends@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of unicorn
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 3:03 PM
Subject: Little Johnny

 

Little Johnny Click here to joint the group     Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard: "One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two." "Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four." "Three and three... "   His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."   ***********  Love more cool mails " click here to joint the group "

--
metallic unicorn
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FW: just a few lessons

Going for an interview, read this first ...just a few lessons

Story I
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to

pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.

Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

Story III
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company

 is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

Story IV
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

Story V
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshoper"! (Job hoper lah!)

Story VI
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our

Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

Story VII
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect our managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!! /color]

FW: Enthusiastic Salesman

Enthusiastic Salesman Click here to joint the group       A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet. " Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman. "Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady. The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam?" "There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady ********** MORAL: Gather All resources be4 working on any project...!!!   **********   Love more cool mails " click here to joint the group "

 

ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTION--interesting

ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTION
Click here to joint the group

Jack and Max are walking from religious service . Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, " Father, may I smoke while I pray?"


The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."


Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."


And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke ?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."



**********

Moral of the story is ... The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

**********

For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday;


Ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

**********

This is how business is done!! Tricky~~

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Interesting Jokes...

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

The new looking~

Well... upgrade the system from Blogger to Blogger in Beta

seems like everything works just fine, but I got to go back to the troop later and I'll need to wait till my next break for doing all of the stuffs....


hope people watching this blog will feel great and be in a good mood all the times...


Thanks~

Ways to Propose... sounds amazing~~

Hi,


Here are some of the tips that can be used for your proposing styles on the valentine's day . Here it is nearing and so also are the techniques!!!

1. (Take a look at the tag on the girl's shirt, jacket, etc.); She would say ; "What are you doing ?" Respond, Oh, just checking to see if you were 'made in Heaven'.

2. (Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like gun into her back) you're under arrest! ; (For what?) For stealing my heart..

3. Are your legs tired? ( girl: Why?) because you have been running through my mind all day!

4. Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes..

5. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?

6. (Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.)I was just showing this flower how beautiful you are.

7. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

8. Walk up to a gal and say: Are you from Greece? She answers 'No'. Oh, I thought all the gods were from Greece...

9. I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and & die on your lips.

10. Did you know they changed the alphabets order? They put U and I together.

11. Are you lost? 'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.

12. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?

13. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.

14. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.

15. You can forget about going to heaven because it's a sin to look that good.

16. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.



Don't blame me if it doesnt work...All the best.

Swaps

Joke-- Confessions of Kid

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3

I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner" Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5

God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

Importance of having Breakfast:

Importance of having Breakfast:

Breakfast can help prevent strokes, heart attack and sudden death. Advice on not to skip breakfast! Tips for healthyliving..For those who always skip breakfast, you should start kicking that habit now!!

You've heard many times that "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." Now, recent research confirms that one of the worst practices you can develop may be avoiding breakfast.
Why?

Because the frequency of heart attack, sudden death, and stroke peaks between 6:00a.m. and noon , with the highest incidence being between 8: 00a.m. and 10:00a.m.What mechanism within the body could account for this significant jump in sudden death in the early morning hours? :-(
We may have an answer .
Platelet, tiny elements in the blood that keep us from bleeding to Death if we get a cut, can clump together inside our arteries due to cholesterol or laque buildup in the artery lining. It is in the morning hours that platelets become the most activated and tend to form these internal blood clots at the greatest frequency.
However, eating even a very light breakfast prevents the morning platelet activation that is associated with heart attacks and strokes . :-)
Studies performed at Memorial University in St.Johns , Newfoundland found that eating a light, very low-fat breakfast was critical in modifying the morning platelet activation. Subjects in the study consumed either low-fat or fat-free yogurt, orange juice, fruit, and a source of protein coming from yogurt or fat-free milk.
S o if you skip breakfast, it's important that you change this practice immediately in light of this research.Develop a simple plan to eat cereal, such as oatmeal or Bran Flakes ,along with six ounces of grape juice or orange juice , and perhaps a piece of fruit .
This simple plan will keep your platelets from sticking together, keep blood clots from forming, and perhaps head off a potential heart attack or stroke.
So never ever skip breakfast :-)

Interesting Math Formulas By Yahoo Group

MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Marketing

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry
Me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback

A Story that touches your heart ! by Yahoo Group

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door...

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"

Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"

Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"

Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"

Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"

"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.

Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior"

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:

"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"

The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for"

The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.





"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"

Thoughtful! by Yahoo Group

Thoughtful!

people are Lonely by Yahoo Group

True, I think it make sense.

Men and Women (From Yahoo Group)

Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Alghough they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.

Joke --- Forehead

Forehead

A husband is at home watching a cricket match when his wife interrupts: "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily. "Fix the light? Now does it look like I have Electrician printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied - "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have fridge technician written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a darn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have carpenter written on my forehead? Don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts feeling guilty about the way he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.

As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey, how'd all this get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried, just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either going to bed with him or bake a cake."

He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo.... Do you see Monginis Bakery written on my forehead?"

Joke --- Don't use mobile inside Toilet

Don't use mobile inside Toilet



I was barely sitting down when i heard a vioce from the other stall saying :
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
But i don't know what got into me, so i answered, somewhat
embarrassed, "Doin just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of quesion is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"

At this point im just trying to get out as fast as i can when i hear i
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured i could
just be polite and end the conversation. i tell him, "No.......
I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then i hear guy say nervously....

Listen. i'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the
other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

Children From Yahoo Group

CHILDREN

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing.

There is only one pretty child in the world
and every mother has it. - Chinese Proverb.

Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...
she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

We child proofed our home 3 years ago
and they're still getting in!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

inspirational thoughts From Google Group

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1 WE CANNOT HOLD A TORCH TO ANOTHER MAN'S PATH WITHOUT BRIGHTENING OUR OWN

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2 EDUCATION IS NOT PREPARATION FOR LIFE. EDUCATION IS LIFE ITSELF

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

3 PAIN IS INEVITABLE. SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

4 IF U DON'T HEAR OPPORTUNITY KNOCKING, FIND ANOTHER DOOR.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

5 WHEN IT IS DARK ENOUGH , YOU CAN SEE THE STARS.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

6 NEVER LOOK DOWN ON ANYBODY UNLESS YOU ARE HELPING THEM UP.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

7 NOTHING IS SO STRONG AS GENTELNESS, AND NOTHING IS SO GENTLE AS TRUE STRENGTH.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

8 HATEFUL PEOPLE THINK GOD IS ON THEIR SIDE BUT LOVING PEOPLE ALWAYS TRY TO BE ON GOD'S SIDE.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

9 FROM WHAT WE GET WE CAN MAKE A LIVING. WHAT WE GIVE HOWEVER MAKES A LIFE.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10 A MAN HAS MADE ATLEAST A START ON DISCOVERING THE MEANING OF HUMAN LIFE WHEN HE PLANTS SHADE TREES UNDER WHICH HE KNOWS FULL WELL HE WILL NEVER SIT.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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